Amielyn+Musa

=**Buddy or Diva** =

==“Buddy or Diva,” my mom stated, “If our new puppy’s a boy, Buddy. And Diva if it’s a girl.” My brother, sister and I helplessly agreed. Not once had she thought our ideas could ever be better than hers. == ==Until fog impaired my sight, my eyes glued on to the ice-like car window. Then, my fluffy cheetah-print coat sleeve smeared the glass that then healed my vision through it once again. Yet the window itself didn’t let me perceive where our new puppy was taking us. == ==Before I knew it, we were there, right outside the place. My dad held onto my hand as my eyes wandered around to comprehend where we were. Only five years old; the cool and crisp wind meant it was winter almost. Specifically, December 2nd, 2004. And the clear, black sky meant it must’ve been at least 7p.m. Not to late either since it was a school night. And the airplanes very near, flying right over our heads meant we were close to the airport. //But what was such an innocent puppy doing next to an airport?// == ==The room was nearly empty and very undersized. Just some waiting chairs, vending machines, a secretary desk that could never be mine, --- so neat and so organized--- and clear space in the middle of the room. But the thing that really caught my eye was that one door. Where else was Buddy or Diva supposed to be? Certainly not in this room. And so I kept my eye on it. On that one door. == ==Our voices were as empty as the room itself. Not knowing what to say or think, I got up from one of the waiting chairs and paced around the room. I look back and realize how oblivious I really was and how forgetful I was of the past emotions of my memories. == ==Spice; not just something found in a kitchen because the “Spice” I’m talking about can never be found there or anywhere but my heart and my families’. Spice walked right into her dog cage and never came out again, my dad told me. And I remember, the last time I saw her, she was weak and of little life in our aged kitchen, just the spring before December 2004. == ==Finally, after endless minutes, the secretary came out with a dog cage in her grasp. She looked at my parents and I knew that meant the special delivery was for us. Dad took it from her possession making it officially ours to love and care for. He walked gingerly with the cage that held our excitement, our eagerness, and our surprise. When he reached the middle of the room, like a stage at a carnival, he opened the cage for the main event. But like a carnival, in the back row where I was, I couldn’t see a thing. == ==//I can’t see! I can’t see! Why am I behind my brother and sister! I’m the shortest!// Literally over my brothers back and on the tip of my shoes, I focused on the act. The cage, my eyes searched through and through the cage seemed like no sign of life. //Where is it? Is it hiding behind those stuffed--- No! It’s them. Them?!// And there they were. Not one but, two pairs of worried, black and marbled eyes. == ==It hugged on my dad’s arm as he lifted the first puppy on a newspaper. Beige fur, snow-white paws, and a tiny white spot at the top of its forehead. Surely small enough for my weakling five year old arms to hold. Once again, he gently held out the second puppy right beside the first. White fur, beige ears, absolutely no snout, and it were slightly bigger than the first. Just then, my brother and sister hovered over them andI lost sight of their adorable faces. == ==I scurried beside my dad. Worse spot than where I was before. Then I scurried beside my brother. //Finally.// I was able to pet them. //Maybe not.// At that moment, my dad picked up “White Paws” just as my brother picks up “No Snout”. == ==Leaping beside my dad, I burst out begging in my squeakiest of voices, “Can I hold it?!” He handed it to my sister, “I wanted to hold it!” I turned around and faced my brother. Then in the same, squeaky voice, I begged, “Can I hold it?!” As he handed it over, I was as gentle as ever for such a feral child, to show it was safe when it was hugged around its arms. ==

“They’re shaking so much!” I noticed.
==“‘Cause they traveled for such a long time! They’re scared!” my mom replied. She certainly wasn’t lying about that. All the way from Louisiana to New Jersey, I know now. == ==With that moment permanently sealed in me, I understand something else now. How maybe Spice in the slightest part in my thoughts at the time was okay. Because certainly she is just as important to me as our two new dogs are now--- Even if I barely remember her, even if half my memories of her were growling and biting me. And if the grief of the day she was gone was there when I held the tiny, guiltless puppy beside my heart, I would have burst into tears. Surely no one would have wanted that. ==